The only thing worse than dating a single mom is dating a single mom that won't put out.

I don't like people who have babies and act like they did something that the rest of us can't figure out. Anybody can have one, OK? I could have had three if I had gone through with any of my pregnancies.

Vomit and feces are two reason I have decided not to procreate.

I think it's important to be involved with charities that don't necessarily reflect what you're dealing with in your life.

ONE OF MY girlfriends was getting married. This was becoming an annoying pattern.

My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.

My life and my legs have been an open book.