Have you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics - I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.

Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon just got themselves a marriage license. I think before she gets married again Pam needs to slow down and think about whether this is really the man she wants to spend three or four months of her life with.

We women have to stick together.

You don't give something away because it's fat. You take it and you look at it.

Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.

Rumer Willis was having a great time at the opening of a club when her twin walked in, also known as her dad, Bruce Willis. How embarrassing for her, she's out with her friends and they're like, 'Umm, Rumer, I think your dad put something in my drink.'

Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved. They know you're a stand-up comedian so they're always looking for somebody funny to host an event.