Paris Hilton is one of the hosts for Nicole Richie’s baby shower, and they’re serving sushi. Awesome, Paris—sushi, the one thing pregnant women are forbidden to eat. Thanks for the mercury.

Who's the president on the $100 bill? I don't know. I don't need to know because I don't use cash. I only use travelers checks.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

I think being able to have follow-through, I think a lot of people who are in charge, that is the one quality that you can't forsake. You can get opinions, but you can't have too many cooks in the kitchen when you're envisioning something.

Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?

Have you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics - I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.

Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl