I met my first midget in Mexico, and he was a waiter with a sombrero on his head, filled with chips and salsa. Like I was gonna let that guy get away - I don't think so.

My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.

Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It’s the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor.

That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America one period at a time.

I look hot and, most of all, skinny. I love the day after throwing up. I felt like a feather.

It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner.

I've always been exactly who I am on TV. I'm not playing a role.