I met my first midget in Mexico, and he was a waiter with a sombrero on his head, filled with chips and salsa. Like I was gonna let that guy get away - I don't think so.

Christina Aguilera finally announced her pregnancy. Thanks for waiting until your third trimester to get the word out—why not just wait until you’re crowning?

I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.

Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody.

Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.

If diamonds are a girl's best friend, I wonder if blood diamonds are a girl's best friend 5 days out of the month?

You just be honest about who you are, and if you dont end up with any friends, then good for you.