Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

I have been on a life-long search of how to stay in shape without putting any effort into it whatsoever.

Hulk Hogan's wife has filed for divorce. This is the most devastating breakup since Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee. And then Pam Anderson and Kid Rock. And soon, Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon.

Along with the 97 percent of women who can see, I have never been a fan of redheaded men.

A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.

He was all emotion all the time, constantly talking about his feelings and his profound love for her. He was minutes from getting his first period. He wrote poems too. It's my personal belief that if men are writing poems, they're making up for something else like a big hair back, or one ball. Not that one ball is a bad thing. Especially since I don't know any females who are dying to their their hands on a set of balls. The way I see it, the less balls, the better.

I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.