Everyone knows if you're going to take weed to school, you put it in your trapper keeper to keep it fresh.

This women/ killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny.

A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.

I’ll always be doing stand-up as long as people are still interested in seeing me.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Angelina Jolie’s older brother James Haven, the one she made out with, has a license plate on his SUV that reads Shiloh. Maybe it’s not that weird. After all, he could be the father.

Kristen Stewart always looks like she's posing for pictures taken in a basement by her creepy uncle.