Everyone knows if you're going to take weed to school, you put it in your trapper keeper to keep it fresh.

Britney Spears' album Blackout is one of the hottest-selling CDs in the country. We're in a bad place, people: The world is melting, we're at war, and Two and a Half Men is a huge hit.

I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.

Maybe they should name more drugs cute things. I don't do meth, but maybe if they called meth 'Stefanie' I would!

When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.

The L. A. Times is reporting that Britney Spears' album Blackout will be number one on the Billboard charts. Not to toot my horn, but I predicted this on my show a week ago. No one wanted to believe me - even I didn't want to believe me, but now I know how Nostradamus feels.

I know they don't recommend Ibuprofen during pregnancy, but you needed something fast for the hangovers.