I'll tell you what can make bacon better... nothing.

I'm not graceful either. I have no rhythm, I'm never on top.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

The L. A. Times is reporting that Britney Spears' album Blackout will be number one on the Billboard charts. Not to toot my horn, but I predicted this on my show a week ago. No one wanted to believe me - even I didn't want to believe me, but now I know how Nostradamus feels.

If you do talk dirty, make sure that you enunciate because there's nothing more embarrassing than having to repeat yourself.

I'm not that shallow, asshole. I don't need money. It's way more important for them to be good-looking.

Paris Hilton is one of the hosts for Nicole Richie’s baby shower, and they’re serving sushi. Awesome, Paris—sushi, the one thing pregnant women are forbidden to eat. Thanks for the mercury.