I hate that people assume guys are the only ones to want sex. Girls want sex, too, and that shouldn't be a problem.

My negotiation skills are are on par with George Bush's reading ability. And just like Dubya, every time I've tried to put forth an effort, I am reminded that my only true strength lies in drinking.

I had to feign interest in all this nonsense until I could ask when I could come over and sit on his face. I didn't say that out loud, of course. I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

If you want to have sex with strangers, you have to do it the old fashion way and become a prostitute.

Is Heather McDonald your best friend? You better get a new one.

We got to his place and it looked a lot like his personality. Just a bunch of space filler, nothing to really wow you. It looked like he had bought a lot of stuff from IKEA and then decided to refinish it at home. Everything was neat and tidy, but you wouldn't want any of it for yourself.