Whatever your pleasure, I can facilitate. You need weed, you need meth - hey, you need Prozac, I'm your man. I know how you white boys always deal with that depression. I mean me personally, I don't understand what you white boys are all depressed about. Hey, you're white! Smile!

I like talking about subjects that aren't funny in the first place and making them funny. So anything down and depressing is something I'll talk about.

Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!"

You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing.

If you see a black woman with an overweight white man, you know she got effed up credit!

If you’re a black Christian, you have a real short memory.

Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.