Whatever your pleasure, I can facilitate. You need weed, you need meth - hey, you need Prozac, I'm your man. I know how you white boys always deal with that depression. I mean me personally, I don't understand what you white boys are all depressed about. Hey, you're white! Smile!

Eddie Murphy is to comedians what Nicki Minaj is to Spanx.

When you die at 72, no matter what you die of, it's natural causes. Even if you get hit by a truck, it's natural causes. 'Cause if you was younger, you'd have got out the way!

You can't fake comedy - it's not like a movie, where a director can just cast a pretty face.

Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.

I've been married for 10 years and, you know, it's hard, you spruce it up and you go places. How do you spruce up anything? Artificially. You go places and do things.

I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!'