One of my daughters told me the other day, "Kevin Hart is funnier than you, Daddy." I told her, "Does Kevin Hart make you pancakes?"

When you've been on a ghetto diet your entire life, you're just happy to get a large soda instead of a medium.

Pretty girls have problems too.

When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.

I like the tradition of the Oscars. I like that some of the greatest comedians ever have hosted the show.

So if you're black or brown, you can make money in America, you can get rich in America... but whatever you decide to do, it better be positive, 'cause if one person is harmed, you will be destroyed. You see Oprah, she just be giving away money. She's doing that to keep the Feds off her back.

Stop the violence! Can't we all just get along?