I used to work at McDonald's making minimum wage. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? You know what your boos was trying to say? "Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it's against the law."

You only know that you're smart because you're around dumb people from time to time!

I used to have horrible cars that would always end up broken down on the highway. When I tried to flag someone down, nobody stopped. But if I pushed my own car, other drivers would get out and push with me. If you want help, help yourself - people like to see that.

I pray there's a God...I know there's an Oprah.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.

George Bush hates midgets.