A black man will be elected President of the United States. I'm sorry, that's in the year 10,000.

Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.

Oprah is so rich, I saw John Kerry proposing to her.

If your work is so smart that only smart people get it, it's not that smart.

All people naturally hate. My kid bites people now. I didn't teach my kid to bite anybody. Kids say mean stuff. Only through love do we get this evil out of them. Only through love and structure and discipline do they not hate. The kids that hate didn't learn anything, that's the problem.

Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.

You can't fake comedy - it's not like a movie, where a director can just cast a pretty face.