I never wanted to churn it out. Comedians tend to work all the time. They never put it down like musicians who might make an album then take three or four years off to recharge their batteries. Comedians tend to work straight through and they get stale because of that. Even when I didn't have a lot of money I never ever did it unless I had something new to say.

Men do not settle down. Men surrender.

I love black people, but I hate niggers.

I used to work at McDonald's making minimum wage. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? You know what your boos was trying to say? "Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it's against the law."

I'm never proper or careful, but I never curse in front of my mother, either.

If Bill Gates woke up with Oprah's money he'd jump out the window.

Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.