I can see the humor in just about any situation. After I lost my dad, I realized that none of us should take things too seriously, because everything except death works itself out.

Here's what I knew about doing a play: I knew it would make me a better actor.

I see guys who can't make 10 percent of what I make, and yet they have four Bentleys, three houses, and four bodyguards.

I think all the funny people were bullied. When they talk about outlawing bullying, it's like, what? You want no Comedy Central?

Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.

Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95.

Hollywood's just not funny.