Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the electricity, he'd pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow.

Eddie Murphy is to comedians what Nicki Minaj is to Spanx.

It's easier to get on show business, the hard part is to maintain. Nobody stays famous forever.

George Bush hates midgets.

Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn't a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council.

Is America ready for a black president? Well, I say we just had a retarded one. When did being black become a bigger deterrent than being retarded?

I see as white people finding loopholes in the slavery laws.