I want my name to be a brand in comedy. I hope my name stands for comedic excellence.

A sense of humor is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

A black man will be elected President of the United States. I'm sorry, that's in the year 10,000.

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.

I love having somebody there - that companion thing. You know who you're going to eat with, who you're going to see a movie with.

Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.

The government doesn't want you to use YOUR drugs, they want you to use THEIR drugs.