We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.

I know what you're thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn't tell jokes this is exactly what I'd be doing.

If you're black, you got to look at America a little bit different. You got to look at America like the uncle who paid for you to go to college, but who molested you.

You just got to be really logical when you're a comedian - to a fault. Like a lawyer's got to believe in the law.

When you make comedy, you make it for the people and you try to have as many screenings and as many tests and you do focus groups and you read the cards and you try to give the people what they want in this comedy.

I say everything's about company. A gourmet meal with an asshole is a horrible meal. A hot dog with an interesting person is an amazing meal.

I love my life, but I don't think I'm any happier than my younger brother Andre, who drives a garbage truck.