Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum... but come on down. We're going crazy.

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.

You don't sweat much for a fat girl.

Hi. There was a big accident, some people got decapitated, here are their names... You know what? That shirt really makes you look fat. I mean, the colour's all wrong... I mean, who shot the drapes?

My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely no skills whatsoever.

To be a dramatic writer takes hard work, talent, and discipline. And that's why I just make up crap.

Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an act of cod?