My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely no skills whatsoever.

I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely nothing and trying to entertain them for two hours. Thankfully, I only think about that right before we go on, and then once we're out there, everything's fine.

NASA sends probe to Uranus, people everywhere giggle.

But you know, we have more hits than you can possibly think about. One of my personal favorite artists is the wonderful artist named Cher. And although I love much of her late stuff, her early stuff was the stuff that I really, really loved.

You know, if I don't make it when I go out there in that weather balloon into that thunder storm. I want, you to take your ear and give it to my wife.

You don't sweat much for a fat girl.

Wives live longer than husbands because they're not married to women.