My mother on her death bed told me, 'Where the hell did that kangaroo come from!?' - it just popped out of nowhere and punched her in the head and caused a cerebral hemorrhage, so I thought I'd move to a country where there were no kangaroos!

This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.

Hi. There was a big accident, some people got decapitated, here are their names... You know what? That shirt really makes you look fat. I mean, the colour's all wrong... I mean, who shot the drapes?

When you kill someone by chopping off their head, rolling 'em up in a carpet and burning it, you'd better make sure they're dead!

Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum... but come on down. We're going crazy.

I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.

I am such a pessimist that every project has surpassed what I envisioned.