I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.

Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum... but come on down. We're going crazy.

This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.

I am such a pessimist that every project has surpassed what I envisioned.

To be a dramatic writer takes hard work, talent, and discipline. And that's why I just make up crap.

My mother on her death bed told me, 'Where the hell did that kangaroo come from!?' - it just popped out of nowhere and punched her in the head and caused a cerebral hemorrhage, so I thought I'd move to a country where there were no kangaroos!

He had the kind of face only a mother could love. If that mother was blind in one eye, and had that sort of milky film over the other one, ya..ya know, ya know what I mean? But still he was my identical twin.