I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.

Wives live longer than husbands because they're not married to women.

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.

I am such a pessimist that every project has surpassed what I envisioned.

Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries.

You know, if I don't make it when I go out there in that weather balloon into that thunder storm. I want, you to take your ear and give it to my wife.

I have many favorite artists...Van Gough as one, but he didn't really sing a lot!