It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.

Never put a foot down in the middle of a foot rub.

Don’t put clothes on food. It’s supposed to be naked.

Dont get scared of death. Get rich! Then die.

Always go to the bathroom before you ‘go’ to the bathroom.

Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.

At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.