Craig Benzine Quotes

Dont get scared of death. Get rich! Then die.

Blanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!

At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.

Are imperfections is which make we grate.

Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.

I would hate to be a bee. Be surrounded by bees all the time.

I'd choose truth over cake but I'd try to find a way to get both to be honest.

The grass is always greener when it's covered in money.

If you're gonna lob something, lob love.

Options are good. Keeps people choosing.

It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.

Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.

Don’t put clothes on food. It’s supposed to be naked.

Be cautious of bears at all times, even when being mauled by a tiger.

Based on this one experience I had, jumping to conclusions is always really stupid.

Always go to the bathroom before you ‘go’ to the bathroom.

Things that don't exist do exist. They're just really fast.

The only good excuse for not succeeding is DEATH! Unless you're trying to be a ghost. Then it's LIFE!

It's better to have won & lost than to have won, stopped trying, & descended into alcoholism.

People alive are better than people not alive.

Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!

The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.

Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.

I love it when the coffee's done!

Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.

Never put a foot down in the middle of a foot rub.

During a heat wave every dude stinks.