The best part of living in constant terror is you always have a place to live.

The hole on the face of an acoustic guitar is called the sound hole. The one of the face of its player is called the sincerity hole.

Gorillas would be less scary with bunny ears. Actually, what isn't less scary with bunny ears? Osama Bin Laden with bunny ears. Ha! So cute.

One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.

Common sense dictates the term hot fudge sundae has a totally different meaning in prison.

Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.

It's nice to live in a country that has its priorities straight: the library's open three hours a week, and the House of Fist is 24/7.