The best part of living in constant terror is you always have a place to live.

My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.

Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.

I'm of the generation of kids where the G.I. Joe's developed Kung Fu Grip right around the same time I did.

Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.

As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.

Today I saw a guy who looked like me in a funhouse mirror. He looked at me like, Hey, that's how I look reflected in the pond!