The best part of living in constant terror is you always have a place to live.

Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.

They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.

The average permanent lasts about four months.

If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.

There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.

The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.