The hole on the face of an acoustic guitar is called the sound hole. The one of the face of its player is called the sincerity hole.

Because of Bluetooth headsets, it's getting more and more difficult to tell who's schizophrenic and who's on a conference call.

59% of all suicides are actually botched murder-suicides performed by dyslexics.

My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.

That which does not kill you isn't finished.

I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.