It's nice to live in a country that has its priorities straight: the library's open three hours a week, and the House of Fist is 24/7.

If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.

I would think, if you were horny enough, there'd come a time when it was hos before bros.

This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.

Let's all start wearing bolo ties, and when they become hip again, we'll all say we were kidding.

As hipster chicks age, and their skin starts to sag, tramp stamps sink below waistbands, like the sun slipping into the sea.

I just staunchly bought one frame during a two-for-one frame sale and barely left the store alive.