Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.

I grew up in a town called Hopedale, Massachusetts. I was born there in 1964, and the only thing I hate outside of myself is everything else.

The Republican Party is the party of Eddie Haskell and the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Why is it, when I have nothing to do, I drink more coffee? It's as if I'm in a big hurry to get nothing done.

No one has ever thought this: Now that I'm out of therapy and have fixed my mental problems, I think I want to be a ventriloquist.

There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.

Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.