Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.

The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.

If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.

Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.

I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.

Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!

Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?