Gorillas would be less scary with bunny ears. Actually, what isn't less scary with bunny ears? Osama Bin Laden with bunny ears. Ha! So cute.

Have you ever had a gay friend lose weight and you can't decide if it's good news or not? Hey you look... great?

Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.

Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?

Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!

I can't wait for the day I learn to live in the now!

The circus goes from town to town, so why run away to join it? It should be, I've decided to wait for the circus to come.