Gorillas would be less scary with bunny ears. Actually, what isn't less scary with bunny ears? Osama Bin Laden with bunny ears. Ha! So cute.

Like many indelible family memories, carving a pumpkin begins with someone grabbing a really sharp knife.

It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.

You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.

I've grown tired of resting on my laurels and have decided to start resting on my failures.

My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.

Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.