Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?
Let's all start wearing bolo ties, and when they become hip again, we'll all say we were kidding.
People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
I like to think of murder-suicide as extreme multitasking.
The best part of living in constant terror is you always have a place to live.
When I found out that coffins are padded, I stopped fearing death.