One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.

A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.

Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.

I can't wait for the day I learn to live in the now!

The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.

A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.

Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.