One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.

What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.

Can you have a seance to summon the ghost of a dead zombie?

I'm so weird with women. I couldn't go up to a gorgeous woman and tell her the building's on fire. 'Don't take this the wrong way, uh. I don't mean to be weird and I'm not trying to be creepy, but the building's on fire.

We broke up, and my first reaction was 'Fine - I've been through this too many times. I can't change your mind. I can't live your life for you. You're gone in your direction. I'm going to pick up; I'm going to go in my direction. I'm not going to live in the past. I'm not going to embrace the pain. You go, I'll go, and that will be it.' And I felt that way for an hour and 10 minutes.

I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.

Earthquakes would be great if they could hit specific areas, like the parent lounge at a children's beauty pageant.