One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.

Whoever coined the phrase, killing two birds with one stone, not only hated birds but also thought we needed to conserve stones.

My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.

Please don't let all the freak storms and climate change lead you to believe in freak storms and climate change.

If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?

The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.

Our grocery store now has self-checkout, for your convenience. It's like getting punched in the throat, for your comfort.