Common sense dictates the term hot fudge sundae has a totally different meaning in prison.

I try to look on the bright side, but it really hurts my eyes.

I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.

Why is it, when I have nothing to do, I drink more coffee? It's as if I'm in a big hurry to get nothing done.

I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.

Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.

What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.