Common sense dictates the term hot fudge sundae has a totally different meaning in prison.

Scatterbrain is one of those harmless little words you use a million times... Then it turns up in a crime scene description.

Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.

What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?

Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.

The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.

When all the people covered in tattoos turn about 70 years old, they're going to look like a strange race of melting clowns.