I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
I've grown tired of resting on my laurels and have decided to start resting on my failures.
If I masturbate while Googling myself, which part is more redundant?
I've never slept with a virgin, but I love breaking the seal on a new peanut butter.
It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?