The average permanent lasts about four months.

Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.

Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?

The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.

I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

I am faced with a bruising dilemma: pay to fix the dishwasher or continue serving everything in waffle cones.