Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?

The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.

I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.

When all the people covered in tattoos turn about 70 years old, they're going to look like a strange race of melting clowns.

Somewhere a woman is praying her toddler wins a beauty pageant. I say this because sometimes people wonder why God lets tornadoes happen.

Even if I say, Everyone in the village died of diarrhea, I still laugh a little after diarrhea.

The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.