Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.

Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!

If I'm alone in the car and I fart, I still laugh at it. It's the little things that keep us civilised.

I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.

I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.

As anyone who's ever adopted a dog will tell you, there's always the fear that one day the birth parents will come scratching at the door.

Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.