Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.

I tried synchronized swimming, but felt, over time, I was just going through the motions.

Twitter is not a good place for people who feel they're being followed.

I grew up in a town called Hopedale, Massachusetts. I was born there in 1964, and the only thing I hate outside of myself is everything else.

Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?

If Jesus was a baby, there was a point, on that Holiest of nights, in that Holiest of mangers, where he made a big, Holy load.

When you're 17 years old, you have no idea who you are as a person, so there's no way you can be a good performer. You can't be a good comedian, because you don't know who you are, you don't know what you're saying. Stand-up is nothing but an expression of self-awareness. It wasn't until I was 23, 24 that I got to have a handle on a perspective on life, where I became decent. And I was just a terribly socially awkward younger person.