Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
Dana GouldMy daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road; you don't want to live on that road.
Dana GouldIs it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
Dana GouldA lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
Dana GouldWhat if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
Dana Gould