Today I saw a guy who looked like me in a funhouse mirror. He looked at me like, Hey, that's how I look reflected in the pond!
People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
That which does not kill you usually circles around and tries again.