If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.

I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.

Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.

As I die, and my life flashes before my eyes, I want to see who made faces at me when I turned my head. That's all I want to see.

Reality TV is the perfect antidote to people who don't have enough self-centered douchebags in their life.

A lot of people have a particular song that, no matter their mood, turns them on. With me, it's Eleanor Rigby.

Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?