We broke up, and my first reaction was 'Fine - I've been through this too many times. I can't change your mind. I can't live your life for you. You're gone in your direction. I'm going to pick up; I'm going to go in my direction. I'm not going to live in the past. I'm not going to embrace the pain. You go, I'll go, and that will be it.' And I felt that way for an hour and 10 minutes.

My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.

In an effort to look cool, I am going to stop shouting Hey, you! at airplanes.

What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.

I used to fear living a life untouched by God, but now, for some reason I've gone back to being afraid of cement mixers.

Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.

We all enter this world in the same way: naked, screaming, soaked in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there.