If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?

How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?

Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!

That which does not kill you usually circles around and tries again.

I've grown tired of resting on my laurels and have decided to start resting on my failures.

We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.

Do transvestites have to dress up for Halloween or do they pretty much qualify from the get-go?