Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
When I found out that coffins are padded, I stopped fearing death.
If I'm alone in the car and I fart, I still laugh at it. It's the little things that keep us civilised.
A giant python was discovered in Florida. Spooky news for a state that derives half it's income from a giant mouse.
It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.