My whole approach to marriage is simple: my wife will do something that drives me insane, I won't say anything, and then, later, I'll die of cancer.
Dana GouldI don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
Dana GouldLike many indelible family memories, carving a pumpkin begins with someone grabbing a really sharp knife.
Dana GouldToday I saw a guy who looked like me in a funhouse mirror. He looked at me like, Hey, that's how I look reflected in the pond!
Dana GouldI've often been accused of being the comic's comic. It's a bad business model when your fans are the people who get in free.
Dana GouldYou will never experience less reality than when you are watching a reality show. You're watching people who aren't actors, put into situations created by people who aren't writers and they're second guessing how they think you would like to see them behave if this were a real situation, which it's not. And you are passively observing this; watching an amateur production of nothing. It's like a photo of a drawing of a hologram.
Dana Gould