Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.

If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.

How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?

I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.

Competition is the death of art.

The simple act of smiling at people makes the world a better place. Unless it's the day you decide to walk around with your dong out.