What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?

I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.

The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.

There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas.

I bet when all the punctuation marks have a party, they quietly look at exclamation point's wife and think, that poor woman.

I just staunchly bought one frame during a two-for-one frame sale and barely left the store alive.

We all enter this world in the same way: naked, screaming, soaked in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there.