What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?

The average permanent lasts about four months.

I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.

Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.

Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same; they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.

Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.

If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?