Let's all start wearing bolo ties, and when they become hip again, we'll all say we were kidding.

I can't wait for the day I learn to live in the now!

Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.

If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.

Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

I'm so weird with women. I couldn't go up to a gorgeous woman and tell her the building's on fire. 'Don't take this the wrong way, uh. I don't mean to be weird and I'm not trying to be creepy, but the building's on fire.