The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.
The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
I try to look on the bright side, but it really hurts my eyes.
When you break life down, it's about 100% time management.
Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.