Dogs: the best friend you will ever have that pees on your couch and stays your friend.

Dogs: the best friend you will ever have that pees on your couch and stays your friend.

What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.

There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.

It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?

The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.

I just staunchly bought one frame during a two-for-one frame sale and barely left the store alive.