Dogs: the best friend you will ever have that pees on your couch and stays your friend.

Common sense dictates the term hot fudge sundae has a totally different meaning in prison.

To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.

Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.

The hole on the face of an acoustic guitar is called the sound hole. The one of the face of its player is called the sincerity hole.