My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.

As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.

What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.

As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.

If anything, I believe that when I die, I will have to stand in front of all the children who went to bed hungry while I was on earth and read aloud a list of my eBay purchases. I shudder to think of it. Explaining to a poor child with a swollen belly why I didn't give his village fifty cents a week but spent twenty-seven dollars in a bidding war for a Mars Attacks coffee cup.

Have you ever had a gay friend lose weight and you can't decide if it's good news or not? Hey you look... great?

Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.