My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.

Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?

A lot of people have a particular song that, no matter their mood, turns them on. With me, it's Eleanor Rigby.

Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.

There's a big difference between poll workers and pole workers. Sadly.

I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.

The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.