My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.

I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.

It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?

Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.

The hole on the face of an acoustic guitar is called the sound hole. The one of the face of its player is called the sincerity hole.

If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.

If Jesus was a baby, there was a point, on that Holiest of nights, in that Holiest of mangers, where he made a big, Holy load.