We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
I've never slept with a virgin, but I love breaking the seal on a new peanut butter.
That which does not kill you usually circles around and tries again.
The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.