The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.

I wanted to be a comedian. I wanted to meet waitresses and felt that being a comedian was my best way to go about it and I was right.

Can you have a seance to summon the ghost of a dead zombie?

Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.

One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.

The best part of living in constant terror is you always have a place to live.

What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.