When I found out that coffins are padded, I stopped fearing death.

Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?

A big blizzard proves there's no global warming in the same way being out of milk proves there's no such thing as cows.

How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?

Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?

It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?

The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.