When I found out that coffins are padded, I stopped fearing death.

Do transvestites have to dress up for Halloween or do they pretty much qualify from the get-go?

Scatterbrain is one of those harmless little words you use a million times... Then it turns up in a crime scene description.

Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.

Have you ever had a gay friend lose weight and you can't decide if it's good news or not? Hey you look... great?

As I die, and my life flashes before my eyes, I want to see who made faces at me when I turned my head. That's all I want to see.

I'm only afraid of dying if I'm to be held accountable for what I did while living. If there's no God or reckoning, I'm like, whew!