I can't wait for the day I learn to live in the now!

Do transvestites have to dress up for Halloween or do they pretty much qualify from the get-go?

Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.

Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?

Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.

The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.

I'm only afraid of dying if I'm to be held accountable for what I did while living. If there's no God or reckoning, I'm like, whew!