I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.

It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?

Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.

Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same; they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.

Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.

We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right

We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.