If you don't believe in the living dead, how do your explain the Golf Channel?
Twitter is not a good place for people who feel they're being followed.
Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.
Although I love the taste of Nutrageous bars, I am nutraged at their new, high price.
I used to pessimistically think I was going to die alone, but now I optimistically know I'm going to die hoping to meet someone.