Earthquakes would be great if they could hit specific areas, like the parent lounge at a children's beauty pageant.

Does anyone remember how we used to get cash before ATM's? Did we have to go inside the bank? Then what? We lived like apes!

The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.

That which does not kill you isn't finished.

There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.

As anyone who's ever adopted a dog will tell you, there's always the fear that one day the birth parents will come scratching at the door.

Every time I fold the baby's clothes I feel like a giant that got a housekeeping job with a nice family.