What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.

Chocolate covered peanuts, chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered pretzels... Chocolate. So afraid to be alone.

If I masturbate while Googling myself, which part is more redundant?

I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.

I'll never be alone, because I'll always have My Problems with me!