Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.

Do transvestites have to dress up for Halloween or do they pretty much qualify from the get-go?

My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.

How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?

A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.