If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?

New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!

I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.

There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.

I was born an emotional tampon in a cauldron of dysfunction.

This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.

I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.