If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?

Why is it, when I have nothing to do, I drink more coffee? It's as if I'm in a big hurry to get nothing done.

What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.

Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.

The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.

One phrase you don't want kicking off your obituary is, Never, in the long history of bungee jumping.

I would think, if you were horny enough, there'd come a time when it was hos before bros.